Skip to content

i need a little more of Jesus in me.

January 26, 2009

in Korea you can’t avoid them. they walk up and down the subways and sit in the stairwells of the subway… in Dominican Republic it was even worse– okay, way worse. the poverty there was completely heart-wrenching…and to think that just next door a country in even more devastating conditions, laying in ruins… then you hear about places in Africa or Romania, the Philippines, India… there is so much poverty. as well as spiritual dryness and poverty.

reading heidi baker’s book is quite moving…i wonder, will it be enough to move me? what will it take for me to be the hands and feet of Jesus? to reach out to the poor like she does? we make all these excuses or we say that we will do it when ______. we get so busy…so busy.

God’s heart is for the orphaned and the poor. He restores them.

As my friend Christy Vidrine says, “Anything with a soul will capture your attention if you look deep enough.” i love this. I love to hear the stories of others. We all have them. good and bad. i want to know their story and share mine. to share Jesus.

yesterday a women, seeing that i was a foreigner, bent down with her face three inches from mine. my heart sank. i didn’t know if i should cry, give her money, pray for her, or slap her. there was this tension. but i wanted to lay my hands on her and pray for her to be healed. the way Jesus did. the way Heidi Baker does. the way Bill Johnson does and Jackie Pullinger…and many others. our Spiritual fathers and mothers have shown us the ways of Jesus as they follow in His footsteps.

i desire to know that intimacy with Jesus. such an intimacy that He flows out of me and heals others. such an intimacy that my own life doesn’t matter to me anymore. that i can completely die to myself and live totally surrendered for him.

i seem miles and miles from that place. and yet so close. just an outpouring of his spirit. greater discipline by his grace. stronger character by His molding. come, Lord.

day by day…being faithful…walking with him…trusting Him and believing His promises. already, He has proven so faithful in my life and I do have many, many testimonies to share. He IS “always enough” as Heidi says. but I want to know that even more. the way Patricia King knows. the way Paul knew.

despite the hardships, we shall rejoice. i want to be like Job, who after all was taken, he still cried, “blessed be your name!” the way that Mrs. Scheussler did when her son died. The way that many others are doing in India through the persecution.

i want to have compassion the way Jesus does. i want to take risks the way Keith and Sanna do. the way Norberto does. i want to step out, knowing that HE is enough. Christ is sufficient. i want to remain faithful like so many i know have.

LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. is all you need. the Love of God through Jesus.

i want to know His love more, and in return, love more. as I have freely received i want to freely give. (matt 10:8) …

i have such a long way to go. the dreams in my heart. the desires. i want to see HIS Kingdom come…I want to see more people come to Him with surrendered hearts.

i am messed up. diseased with sin. yes, i know this. that is why i need Jesus. so bad. by His grace He is changing me…it’s a long road, but His presence is enough and He really does transform and heal.

i want to have a heart for all. i need more of Jesus and less of me. fill me, Lord. change me.

it seems there are too many. but there are never too many for Jesus. I’m amazed to know that Heidi and Rolland were helping to feed 12,000 after the floods in Mozambique. The disciples fed 5,000.

I desire to see people set free from their bondage. to be free to worship, to receive the love of Christ. the way that my friend Sharon Jaffe has experienced. and LuJean. and so many others i know.

most of all– i want more of Jesus. the way Mary did as she sat at his feet.

————————-
come, as you are. and let the presence of Jesus change you. o how he loves.

————————

http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=NI78mF-DzKM

“Hookers and Robbers” Charlie Hall

Crack kids, track kids, hookers and robbers
The naked and hungry, mothers and fathers
Abuses, excuses, and guns in your hands
And I even welcome the arrogant man
I welcome you all to the biggest of feasts
A night of no shame
To pause and to breathe
This is a night of love’s renovation
A feast I am sure that could change a whole nation

Me, I am not such an excellent host
I am one who forgives but needs it the most
I found the liar, the killer of hearts
And I ran away with a new way to start
I journeyed a road where a bright man appeared
He looked into me, and my eyes filled with tears
My breath fast and short and my heart burning deep
He gave me new eyes and a new way to see

So come as you are, as you are, as you are
So come as you are, as you are, as you are

I still defiled his great love ways
I felt such a famine when I ran away
I missed the presence, the voice like a song
I was nasty and dirty, I knew I was wrong
But he ran to me like a dream like a father
This love is not earthly this love must be other
He carried me home and threw me a party
A party so loud like the greatest love story
Oh my dear friend applaud now please
I’ve invited you heart to announce you are free
He takes your chains, busting you out of prison
Just open your heart, let your heart come and listen

Come as you are, as you are, as you are
Come as you are, as you are, as you are

Who could accept all your pounding and screaming
Your raging, your freaking, cussing, and beating
All while He holds you and always forgiving
This is the story of love and of living
Wipe off your tears and laugh just a little
Come break this bread, celebrate the Forgiver
Raise up a glass, a time to remember
Come break this bread, celebrate the Forgiver.

Come as you are, as you are, as you are
Come as you are, as you are, as you are
——————–

http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=dHwC-TZPm08

“A Little More” Shawn McDonald

Just the other day went walking
Down to the corner and I saw a man
Sitting with a cup in his hand
Saying, “Hey won’t you give me something
Won’t you give me something to eat?”

I took a look into his eyes and
I saw he had a story to tell
But I walked away with my pockets full, full of change
And I said, “I got nothing for you”

It’s time to confess that I need a little more
Jesus inside of me, Jesus inside of me
Don’t you see, Jesus was homeless
Walking from city to city
Teaching people how to love
Giving them grace and mercy
Giving them grace and mercy

Now, Jesus was a friend to the friendless
Loving on all the outcasts
Teaching them that there was more
More than what they’re living for
More than what they’re living for

Don’t you see, if you do not learn love
Then you will be completely nothing
You could be absolutely amazing
But you would be nothing

———————
this is how i feel sometimes…but then i remember that Jesus sees them all. He is enough. and He is the one who gives me compassion. he is the one who will reach out as i say yes to HIM.

http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=lHBWgC8Xm2s

“The Junkie Song” The Be Good Tanyas

Took a walk in my neighborhood
At 2 in the mornin by the skytrain station
The streets were full of junkies and homeless
And they all wanted somethin
They all wanted somethin

What am I supposed to do?
There are too many of you
too many of you
Yet sometimes I look you in the eye
and say that I too am human
I could easily be you

You know we all hover between apathy and compassion
We fill up all our days with so much distraction
It makes it easier not to see what we dont want to
But we all live here
We all live here
We all live lonely

Took a walk in my neighborhood
At 2 in the mornin by the sky train station
The streets were full of junkies and homeless
And they all wanted somethin
They all wanted somethin

What am I supposed to do?
There are too many of you
too many of you
Yet sometimes I look you in the eye
and say that I too am human

I could easily be you
I could easily be you
I could easily be you
——————

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: