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Difficult Goodbyes in 2018

December 31, 2018

2018 has been a difficult year for Jason and me.

The year started off challenging and it is ending with sadness. Not every year can be as fun and happy as you want. Hard times and sorrow deepen your appreciation for the happier years and teach you rich and enduring life lessons.

The beginning of the year we said goodbye to our church community for many different and difficult reasons. Though it was the right choice for us, it was very painful to say goodbye.

Just in time for something new, we found out that we were pregnant, only to discover a few months later that we were having a miscarriage. It was shattering and painful to walk through the grief of losing a child.

A few months later Jason’s grandpa died from cancer. Grieving from overseas is never easy and does not allow you to truly process with family in the moment.

Shortly following his death, I learned that my biological father also passed away from cancer. Though I did not know him, it was a goodbye I had not planned and a goodbye that was empty with nothing to hold on to in place of his loss.

And now we are nearing the end of the year with another loss. It is New Year’s Eve and I am mourning the recent loss of my Granny.

I cannot find words tonight, but I am looking up to God and hoping for a better year in 2019. It is in the dark, that we find the light and feel the embrace of our Father in Heaven.

God has held me tight this year. There have been times I’ve squirmed like a child, trying to push away His embrace, and there have been other times where I have collapsed into His arms with the trust of a child knowing that He would catch me and hold me close.

Heart-wrenching. Painful. Sad. As we have journeyed through one grief and begun to enter some normalcy we would find ourselves entering another tragic loss. Wave after wave of sorrow. It has been many, many years since I have had a year with this much sadness.

I am going into 2019 with a heaviness in my heart, but I am also entering 2019 with great hope, for there is always a season for everything. A season of sorrow cannot last forever. I look forward to the morning when my sorrows will turn to joy.

Looking forward and looking up, I will enter 2019 with my Father’s embrace and hope to surround me.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. lizlayne permalink
    January 6, 2019 9:11 pm


    That is a lot of loss for two hearts to carry. I am so sorry you have experienced these disappointments and goodbyes one after another after another. 😦

    You and Jason are in my prayers for relief and comfort amidst the waves of grief.

    Here’s to 2019 and all the joy and blessing it contains!

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